Whatever you're not changing, you're choosing

A subtle love letter to my first car - and how decisions shape our life

Aarghh - I did it. My car is up for sale.

I’m moving to South-America and my first car - my amazing first car - can’t join me.
I’ve been avoiding this painful truth for the past few weeks, but I can’t delay it anymore. The move is seven weeks away?!

This will probably be considered a love letter to the best first car a girl could’ve wished for.

I listened to a podcast the other day in which someone said: ‘What you’re not changing, you’re choosing.’

It stuck with me. I have been procrastinating putting my car up for sale, putting my books in boxes and selling our furniture. It pains me to break off this life I’ve been putting together so carefully these past few years. My dad said the other day: ‘I’m breaking everything down, my business, my home, saying goodbye to people, and there’s nothing I can build up yet. It’s all just breaking down.’

That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’m deconstructing this life I’ve built for myself. The first home my boyfriend and I shared. The first car I ever bought.

You know what the weirdest part is? If I wasn’t moving to South-America, these things would still be here. I wasn’t due for a car upgrade for a couple of years. We could’ve lived where we were for a long time, it’s such a cute place.

But every time I start thinking like this, this sentence pops up in my head:

‘Whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing.’

So, in not changing anything, I’m choosing to live in The Netherlands.
To stay in a safe spot, where I know everything.
To not chase adventure, curiosities and energy.

That’s not the outcome I want.

So, change it is.

I put my car up for sale.
Pushing the button, I held onto my boyfriend’s arm for moral support.
Bit dramatic? Probably. But this car has really felt like my buddy these past few years.

My first taste of freedom.
Being able to get in the car and drive wherever I want, whenever I want.

My first real adult purchase. And they said freedom couldn’t be bought…

It’s been three glorious years. And I’ll be driving around for a little while longer, until he’s going to make someone else very happy. And proud.

I sure felt that way driving around with him.

I’m choosing to sell him. Choosing to deconstruct the life I’ve been putting together so carefully. To have the change of adventure, curiosities and energy.

Whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing.